Continuing the work of their loved ones: How Ukrainian women help others despite the pain of loss
Today, tens of thousands of Ukrainian women, men, and non-binary people have experienced the pain of loss. Some have lost their beloved, some their relatives, and some their friends.
Photo: Roman Baluk
But despite the pain and grief, many remain socially active, creating support communities and helping the army.
Read the article to learn how women who have lost loved ones in the war continue to help others.
“I have to continue his work”
Karina Boiko started volunteering at the university. She created a volunteer department to help military students (even before the full-scale invasion, active military personnel entered Ukrainian universities — ed). It was at the university that she met her husband, Oleksandr. He led an active social life, participated in protests and was a member of the cultural union Avangard.
From the first days of the full-scale invasion, Oleksandr took part in defending Kyiv, performing combat missions in the Kyiv region, and participating in the de-occupation of Bucha. Later, Oleksandr joined the 78th Separate Air Assault Regiment. In March 2024, he was killed in the Avdiivka sector.
After Oleksandr’s death, Karina Boiko set up a patronage service for the unit her husband served in. The Patronage Service is a part of the unit that helps wounded soldiers, organizes funerals, and takes care of the families.
“On the eve of my husband’s death, we discussed how I could continue his work after his death. He said he would like his unit to have a patronage service (not all Ukrainian Defence Forces brigades currently have one. First, it was introduced in the Azov Brigade, then in the Third Assault Brigade, then in the 93rd “Kholodnyi Yar” Brigade, etc. — ed.). I talked to Oleksandr’s commander about it, and he agreed,” she said.
Karina Boiko is currently setting up procedures for working with the wounded and creating a community for wives whose husbands serve in this unit, where they can receive psychological support and talk to those who understand their experiences.
“It is important that my husband’s work does not die. Sometimes I joke that [fate] took away my personal life so that I could have more time for social causes,” Karina says.
While setting up the patronage service, she is in contact with the families of fallen soldiers. She plans to create a handbook with the necessary services they can contact. She also organizes various family activities, such as art therapy or joint training.
“We have young girls whose husbands are serving. This is their first such experience. They need to speak out, talk to those who understand them, and ask for advice. That’s why we meet and communicate. Every Sunday, we also attend events to support prisoners of war,” she says.
Karina Boiko also has an idea to organize training for young people who want to join the army. Her husband used to run similar courses for the Avangard organization.
“So that a woman and children could wait for their defender to come home”
Before the full-scale invasion, Ivanka Shmyr-Tenenska worked as a waitress and started a family with her new husband, Petro. They met as children at the wedding of Ivanka’s older sister. Their shared childhood games and activities did not develop into a relationship right after. Petro went to live with his grandmother in Spain, while Ivanka married and had a daughter. However, the marriage did not work out, and Petro soon also returned to his native Ternopil region.
The young people got back in touch, but their relationship was purely friendly, until one day, Petro came to Ivanka with a ring and asked her to marry him. The woman was stunned, so the couple decided to go on a date first. Eventually, it all ended with a wedding and the birth of their daughter. In November 2024, they would have celebrated their fourth anniversary.
On the first day of the full-scale invasion, Petro received a draft notice from the village council, and on February 25, he joined the ranks of the Armed Forces of Ukraine. He had previously served in the army and had the rank of senior soldier.
Petro insisted that the family go abroad. But Ivanka could only bear to be away for six months.
“I didn’t want to leave him. I think it’s nice for a person to know that they’re always expected at home, at any time,” Ivanka says.
Petro served for two years and two months. He fought on the Izium, Kupiansk, and other axes. He died in the village of Shevchenkove, Okhtyrka district, Sumy region. At the time, the couple’s younger daughter was ill, and the fact that Petro did not respond to messages confirmed Ivanka’s suspicions that something had happened.
Ivanka took the news of her husband’s death very hard. She didn’t even want to live, but her children made her pull herself together.
“Whenever I have to make a decision, I always turn to my husband in prayer. Tell me what’s best, come to me. And then I come up with the thought of what is the right thing to do. He’s always with me.”
Ivanka decided to live for her children and focus only on them. She seemed unwilling to help the military without her husband, but that changed. She couldn’t remain indifferent to the announcements by volunteers about collections for the needs of the military that she came across on the Internet. So far, the most significant thing Ivanka has done for the Armed Forces since her husband’s death is to donate Petro’s car to their needs.
“I thought, let them fix the car and take it. It will be useful for them (the military — ed.). Maybe this car will save someone’s life. So that a woman and children could wait for their defender to come home.”
“If you are in the rear and not helping in any way, then you are not living but merely existing”
Viktoriia Voronina is an English teacher. Before the full-scale invasion, she volunteered at music festivals and met her future husband, Vladyslav, at one of them.
During the first week of the full-scale invasion, her husband was involved in humanitarian work in Dnipro and the region. Viktoriia’s husband and his best friend set up a whole humanitarian headquarters in the city. After a few weeks, however, Vladislav decided to join the Military Law Enforcement Service, as he was a lawyer in civilian life. Vladyslav’s friend continued to provide humanitarian aid for some time and then joined the 47th Separate Mechanized Brigade “Magura”.
In April 2023, Vladyslav Voronin joined this brigade as well and took part in the Ukrainian counter-offensive in the Zaporizhzhia region in the summer of that year. On July 7, Vladyslav’s friend was killed.
“It hit my husband hard. They had been friends since university,” says Viktoriia.
At the end of the summer, the 47th brigade was transferred to the Donetsk sector. On November 9, 2023, Vladyslav was killed, but the family was not officially informed of his death until December 21: the positions Vladyslav and his brother-in-arms held were in the grey zone, and it was impossible to retrieve his body.
Now, Viktoriia Voronina volunteers her time by organizing fundraisers for the military’s various needs, such as cars, charging stations, etc. She opened her first fundraiser in October 2023. At that time, her husband and his brothers-in-arms needed a vehicle to carry out combat missions. The fundraiser was completed in three weeks.
“I didn’t want to do it again because my husband no longer needs it. But two weeks after my husband’s death, I started the money collection again. At that time, I stayed home because I could not do anything. I had a lot of anger then and needed to channel it into something useful. That ‘useful’ turned out to be volunteering,” says Viktoriia.
So, she started actively organizing fundraisers and collecting aid funds. In particular, she helped a friend start a collection for medevacs, which transport wounded soldiers from the battlefield to stabilization centers.
Today, Viktoriia helps her friends, the 47th Brigade and the Third Assault Brigade. She is convinced that Ukrainians should now actively support the military.
“If you are not at the front but in the rear, and you are not helping in any way, then you are not living but merely existing,” she says.
Written by Anastasiia Kondrat, Marharyta Yukhymenko
Translated by Taisiia Blinova
